I’m simply amazed by the number of people out there who don’t know proper etiquette when it comes to sending email. Most of this shit is common sense, and while there are extra things that pretty much just exclusively piss ME off, most this shit is pretty basic.

0. Read the faq, it has the answers to many frequently asked questions.

1. When writing an email, write it from YOUR fucking email program/hotmail account. People who write emails from janbrady@whorecentral.com get replies sent to that address, no matter if they mention in the email that THEIR email address is xx31337jackassxx@aol.com or not. Most people will IGNORE YOU when you say your address is something other than your return address, and I’m no different.

This is especially true when sending emails telling me how much I suck, and sending it, from, say, your mother’s email account. I try to respond to every email I get, but when some assclown sends me an email saying I’m a moron and I should eat shit and die, and I hit reply and send the email back to the address you SENT it from, your mommy won’t be too pleased with you.

Yes, this has happened before.

If you don’t understand rule number 1, DON’T FUCKING EMAIL ME.

2. When replying to an email, try to keep the original email in the message quoted somehow, whether with carrots (>) or something else. Most people who go through a few hundred emails a day don’t remember what they specifically wrote to you, so don’t expect a jackass who can’t remember what he ate for breakfast yesterday to remember what he wrote you last week. Yes, that means me.

3. Don’t write emails (or anything else that isn’t meant to be emphasized or isn’t extremely urgent) in all CAPITAL LETTERS. That is considered SCREAMING. I don’t read emails that are written in ALL CAPS, because it aggravates the fuck out of me.

Those first few “rules” are standard for pretty much everyone everywhere all of the time, no matter who you are emailing. If you constantly break even one of those rules, all of your friends probably hate you, you are a worthless husk of a human being, AND you should be taken around back and destroyed. Right now.

The following are some additional things that I can’t stand, but are tolerated by more people (for reasons that I just don’t fucking get.)

5. Don’t underline your fucking emails. WHY are you underlining it? Do you think it’s any more important if it’s underlined? If you’re going to underline it, why don’t you fucking WRITE IT IN ALL CAPS, too? Jesus christ, just because your client has a fucking underline button doesn’t mean you write the ENTIRE god damn email underlined.

6. Don’t replace “are” with “r”, or “you” with “u”, or “why” with “y” or “too/to” with “2″. For fucks sake, just don’t do it. It isn’t just these substitutions that piss me off, there are many other similar.. don’t do it at all, for the love of whatever god(s) you may believe in.

7. Don’t ask me to send you shit, like pics or movies or exes or whatever else. It won’t happen.

That’s all for now, I’ll think of more later, for sure.